My name is Melanie and I’m an alcoholic

My name is Melanie and I’m an alcoholic

My name is Melanie and I’m an alcoholic. There. I said it. Actually I typed it, I’m not ready to
verbalize it yet, but I know I need help.

My father is an alcoholic. My sister and I never knew it while we were still living at home. He sought help when I was 25 years old and has been sober for eleven years. (Go Dad!) I never knew anyone could be an alcoholic on 3.2% beer, but I am proving that to be
true as well for me.

My alcoholism began unsuspectingly when I was in high school. It started with a few beers with friends whenever we could get our hands on the stuff. Then I turned 21. What a glorious age! I could drink legally! And drink I did. Almost every night from the age of 21 to 31 I was a beer connoisseur.

The wine became the beverage of choice for the next four years. So sophisticated I was, holding a wine glass, I knew alcohol would never become a problem I shared with my father. I didn’t have a DUI, I was always careful about drinking and driving (sheer luck in retrospect), I hold down a great job and I live in a nice place.

I have been married and divorced three times, however, all to practicing alcoholics themselves. Then I joined a social organization and drinking was the center of activity. I began to experiment with other spirits and mixers, just to find something that would taste good and not make me feel so hungover the next day. And it worked for a while. Now my alcohol is betraying me.

I feel worse after each drinking episode. My nails are no longer smooth. My skin is starting to look dry and weathered even though I don’t ever sunbathe, and I’m getting an alcoholic redness to my face. I get diarrhea every day after drinking, even if I only have two drinks. I’m gaining weight as well. I feel awful about myself. Worst of all, I feel suicidal when I have been drinking.

I desperately need help and I’m glad to have found this site. Today I talked to my boss about our employee assistance program. In fact, I choked on the mere words, “employee assistance program.” I want to have control over my life and I realize that I can’t stop drinking once I start. Just because I don’t drink everyday doesn’t mean I don’t have a problem. The suicidal thoughts scare me and are my wake-up call. I want to hang on before I hit rock-bottom. Hey, maybe I already have? Peace to all. And, I love you, Daddy.